Is there anything as motivating as being terrible?

Nothing motivates me like being really, really, incredibly bad at something.

Take cycling. I am not a very talented cyclist. That is just gospel. I don't go down hills like the fast guys, and I certainly don't go up hills like the fast guys. I routinely bobble and fall on stuff in races that I can ride with one foot clipped in when I'm not racing.

I don't have the balls to start fast or the guts to ride hard during the rest of the race. I quit. I neglect my bike, then throw it into the woods when it doesn't work right. I race in a category where I don't belong.

I don't train. I ride. I don't lift, eat well, or try hard.

Why? I mean, I can be pretty focused, I can get all type-A on my life, but the will has been gone. The will has been broken.

Not through failure, but through perceived success.

Two years ago I rode 9:50 ish at the Mohican 100. I'd been gunning for a sub-10 hour hundie for a couple of years. When I hit that goal, I quit trying. I dabbled a bit, but mostly I got fat, made a baby, got a couple of ornery dogs, and turned into a schlub. A tubby, schlubby guy with a hot wife and a baby and dogs.

Not all bad. But I want to be a fast guy with a hot wife and a couple of babies and a couple of dogs.

This weekends complete and total failure at the Big Bear XC gave me some motivation. Nothing like a good old fashioned butt kicking to get the fire burning. I'm just too much of a competitive jerk to enjoy riding, or even kind of enjoy RACING if I'm not competitive.

2 years ago, when I was clinging to the vestiges of my intentional training - intervals, long rides, periodization, I was 10 minutes off the leaders the big bear XC. The past two years I haven't even finished.

It is time to clean off the HRM and get back to training. Nothing is fun until you are good at it. That is especially true of the hard and unforgiving sport of bicycle racing.